Haikus of a Freelance Percussionist

The great thing about
sitting in back is no one
can see me texting.

To all conductors:
When you stop right before I
come in… I get sad.

Twenty. Twenty-one.
Twenty-two.. Who is that? Shoot.
Where the hell are we?

Hey Will, where are we?
You don’t know either? That’s nice.
Hopefully Dave knows. 

No, silly student. 
That is not a hash-tag. You
should pay attention. 

Was THAT the downbeat?
If I don’t know where “one” is
I ain’t playing, dude.

Where did Dave say we
are? “Every man for himself?”
Come on, Dave.. be cool.

No. This has five flats.
Read my contract. I only
play in C Major.

Data limit reached.
Two more hours of rehearsal.
My life is forfeit.

Strings in one tempo.
Winds and brass in another.
I'll just sit back down.