#REPRESENTATION and why it matters to a rotten banana like me.

Let me tell you a little secret about myself: I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror. I thought I was ugly and would never find love. I used to openly joke about wanting to be white. I resented myself and my parents for not being white, and engaged in some pretty terrible self-deprecating behavior and thoughts that would leave me in really bad places. From an early age, I was treated differently and oftentimes made to feel like an outcast because of the shape of my eyes and the yellow-ness of my skin.

Since my youth, I’ve blossomed into the healthy banana I was always meant to become. Being asian is great - The food is fantastic, I will look like I’m a fresh high school graduate until the day I die, and I can pretend I don’t speak english when I’m approached by someone I’m not trying to talk to. But the journey to get to where I am? I would not wish it on anybody.

When I was younger and would turn on the TV, I would see no one that looked like me. And when I did, it was some disgusting one-dimensional character that would haunt me in the hallways of my public school for the next couple of months or so. Even to this day, I am so used to seeing Asians as comedic fodder in movies that I dread seeing an Asian actor or actress appear unexpectedly. I inevitably tense up waiting for some poorly written joke to be delivered, and then silently fume as people laugh*. Seeing characters that resembled me be reduced a one-dimensional punchline over and over again was (and still is) humiliating. White people had all these interesting, complex characters that they could relate to, and I had Long Duk Dong. The hell?

So when I first heard about Crazy Rich Asians, I was skeptical. Given Hollywood’s rich history with Asian characters**, I was fully expecting this movie to be a wash, to be another in a long line of “kind gestures” from white Hollywood. I bought a ticket out of a stubborn obligation to support all asian-american endeavors, but I’ll freely admit as the movie started I was tense. I was ready to leave if necessary, but about 10 minutes in I was able to relax and enjoy myself.

There is so much positive REPRESENTATION in this movie! There are gay asians, douchey asians, weird asians, charming asians, Constance Wu (wifey), loud asians, drunk asians, the whole gamut! Even Ken Jeong is in this movie, and I’m weirdly ok with that.***

Why is representation so important? Being asian, I always felt this inability to fully be who I wanted to growing up. From an early age, I learned to distance myself from things that seemed too asian in an effort to fit in with the #whites. Watching TV, I would see these actors that looked like me delegated to one-dimensional characters, and as a kid that shit affects you. When you grow up seeing your fictional doppelgängers be martial artists, human calculators, or sexless punchlines, that subconsciously influences you and makes you feel like those are the only things you can offer to the world. I grew up fitting NONE of those stereotypes: I was terrible at math, more into basketball and football than karate, and a hopeless romantic who shot shots like Russell Westbrook on an off night.****

This is why I think Crazy Rich Asians is such an important moment for Asian Americans - finally, a movie where we can see ourselves onscreen as complete, three dimensional and flawed characters. I think Awkwafina (or however the hell you spell her name) is top 10 most irritating person of 2018, but I love her for being unabashedly her. And for the little asian-american girl who is struggling with her identity and desperately needs a role model, I hope she sees Awkwafina in this movie being SO weird, and I hope it inspires that little one to get fully in touch with her weirdness and lets her become whoever it is she wants to be.

Representation aside, the plot also struck a personal chord with me. One of the main conflicts in Crazy Rich Asians is one of identity - a struggle that all people of color know well. I was a little perturbed at how the two conflicting philosophies mirrored what I’ve struggled with for many years with my own parents: traditional asian values of pragmaticism and family vs. western values of individuality and expression. Even within the fantastical setting of Singapore’s 1%, I imagine many other asian americans will be able to relate with the struggle of finding one’s own voice when on one side you have your parents trying to force you down a path of their choosing and society trying to dictate who you are on the other.

I am well aware this movie is not perfect, and there are many valid criticisms from asian and asian american communities that are still underrepresented and forgotten by everyday society. I have two words for you - long game. This is not an attempt to belittle legitimate problems. You have to realize Black Panther only came out this past February. You have to remember in America, as a person of color you are in a marathon for survival, not a sprint. Play the long game. If I get mine, you’d best bet I’ll fight tooth and nail so you get yours. I’d expect you to do the same.

Support yellow, go see Crazy Rich Asians. I give this delightful rom-com 4 shumai out of 5 possible shumai.

_________________

*My friends can attest to this: I am a very angry asian man.

**White-washing, exhibit A: You’re gonna tell me that Emma Stone can convincingly play a character named Allison Ng? FOH.

***Ken Jeong can eat my butt.

****2 points on 1 of 23 shooting, and 5 personal fouls. Wassup, high school Darren?